I'll Be Seeing You

I thought I saw you yesterday.
It probably wasn't you at all. But it felt like you.
Your walk, your movements, your clothing, your presence.
This has been the longest stretch of time in which we have not seen each other or even talked.
I know why it is this way now and it is probably for the best.
I said I could not abide by your terms. You said there was no other way it would work.
But having been friends for so long, I feel this vacancy left by you in your absence.
You have always been around. Even if for brief moments. But it took me til now to notice...
I think that I loved you. No, I know that I did. Maybe I still do. Maybe I always will.
You told me once in jest that I did & I adamantly shook my head, calling you ridiculous & rolling my eyes.
But now being deprived of you and far away from your cynical sway, I realize that I probably always have.
You told me that you wish you had been my first love. Well maybe you were, even if we never got to see it.
You used to tell me that someday everything that worked against us would fall away.
It would happen in the end. But it just seems as though it is simply the end.
I wish you well. I hope you're happy. I'm sorry I didn't make it easier.