I do not believe in marriage.
That is to say, not that I think it is bad or not worthy of its place in society.
No, I mean that my generation is a disaster in love, not understanding compromise or commitment to anything. There is no such thing as waiting, everything is taken and given NOW. Our world is one of convenience and speed and efficiency. It's a constant flow of the next best thing and the grass is greener and instant gratification and relentless entertainment. So few people know how to be alone, let alone how to be alone without something to occupy them. Our homes are filled with people who read, watch TV, listen to music and eat dinner all at the same time. And through all of the media around us we are taught to ask for perfection and grand sweeping tales of epic dramatic romance. We have no comprehension of how to act when things happen outside of our realm of neatly cut story lines.
When we say "I love you" it means "I love you at the moment", "I love you for now", "I love what you can do for me", "I love how you make me feel about myself", "I love that I am not alone", "I love that someone is pretending to care about me as much as I care about myself", "I love you until something better comes along"...
There are those of course who do know what it is to sacrifice and put someone else before themselves and ask for little in return. But finding those people seems like a Holy Grail search.
No wonder we are unsatisfied. We are a generation that fully embraces sexual liberation and experimentation and independence above all else. In our capitalistic upbringings, we ask for more, we want it all and it is just so we can feel as though we get everything we feel we deserve just for existing, just because we can. We are spoiled and ungrateful. I count myself among them. It seems as though every day I ask myself what I can do to make myself happier. And while there is nothing wrong with wanting to better oneself or seeking contentment, in light of a much bigger picture and events that matter so much more, it should be an afterthought and not the main goal.
We ask for partners that have no flaws and mold themselves to OUR agendas. We go through relationship after relationship, date after date looking for "the one" when we never are willing to give people a chance. I am the worst of these offenders, though for reasons that shall remain unlisted here. There are more than one soulmate for each person in the world and they come in many different forms, romantic and otherwise.
Put down your romcom movies and romance novels and porn films and idealized stories from history and look at the flesh & blood human condition. See the birthmarks and annoying habits and asymmetrical features and the scars and the baggage and realize that maybe those very things are what make love worth having.
Once we can appreciate what is right in front of us, once we ask less of others for our own gain and more of ourselves for the good of others, maybe then the institution of marriage will mean something again.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
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